Wednesday, October 5, 2011

my chest...

I thought I would call this post something catchy since its content is going to be anything but.  I have a MAJOR vent and not the kind that is suitable for facebook because of the potential for offense - although yesterday I did delight in offending said people.  I've since slept on it and decided that while I need to vent my frustrations and get it off my chest, it is probably better suited for my blog.  That being said....anyone who reads any further than this is either going to be bored to death or offended so don't say I didn't warn you.

I'm having a girl in 17 days.  Girl number 3. I know the odds of having a boy or girl are 50/50.  I didn't want to have another child because I was trying for a boy, I wanted another baby.  I would be lying if I said that somewhere deep down I wasn't hoping for a boy simply because I don't have one of those.  And I don't want to sound ungrateful or selfish by saying that when I found out she was a girl I was a little disappointed.  No, disappointed isn't the right word.  I had just found out that I was having a healthy baby and that she is a girl - how can anyone be disappointed at news like that?  Instead of disappointment I felt sad for the things that I knew would never happen because she wasn't a boy.  Things like: fathers and sons outings, priesthood, missions, football games, etc.  But disappointment was NOT something I felt. 

Since then, whenever most people ask me what I'm having and I tell them it's a girl and that we're done with 3, almost inevitably people say "aren't you going to try for your boy" and almost inevitably I want to kick them in the face (if only my feet would go that high these days).  What I want to say and should say rather than just politely saying "no" is something like: "what a great idea and what do I do when I find out I'm having a girl?  Give her away, always wish she was a boy, have 15 kids until I finally have that boy everyone is so fixated on me having?"  Sounds like a pretty crappy reason for having another kid if you ask me.  

What is the magic number of kids you have before people stop looking at you funny when you tell them you're done.  Or when they stop arguing with you that you will in fact have more.  I can't count how many times I've had the following conversation (or one very similar to it). 

someone: oh, do you know what you're having?
me: yes, it's a girl.
someone: so you'll have 3 girls, are you going to try for your boy?
me: nope, we're happy with 3 girls
someone: oh, you just THINK you're done, you'll have more.
me: no really, we're happy with 3
someone: *smirking like they know better what I want than I do* just give it time, you'll eventually want to try for that boy.  I thought I was done after 3 too.

So someone, please tell me at what number of children am I allowed to stop having them?  I wish it were just random strangers or neighbors that told me how many I wanted but family members also feel the need to weigh in and tell me that certainly 3 isn't enough. 

I grew up and only child.  I ALWAYS wanted a sibling.  I would have sold all my toys and cashed in any future Christmas presents for the chance at having a sibling.  It was never meant to be (I'm a miracle - but we can get into what a blessing I am in every ones lives in a later, very detailed post:).  To this day I feel a sadness whenever someone mentions that their sister is their best friend or when they talk about their brothers kids and their nieces and nephews.  I'll never have that.  Do I skulk around and dwell on what I don't have - no.  But that also doesn't mean that I don't feel a void in my life because of it.  I imagine I'll always feel similarly about not having any boys.  Am I going to be bitter and angry whenever a friend of mine has a baby and it's a boy - no, but I do imagine there will always be a sense of longing.  I like to think that that's a fairly reasonable and common emotion for someone who wants something but never has the opportunity to have it. 

So....when it came time for Preston's brother and his wife to find out what the gender of their baby was and it turned out to be a boy, was I bitter and angry?  No. Was it hard to swallow for a few minutes afterward?  Yes. Am I happy for them?  Absolutely.  What good is being anything but going to serve me or them?  So when I mentioned to someone that it was a little hard to hear that they were having a boy and then to have that person tell me that I just need to get over it and that if I want a boy I need to have more kids - was a slap in the face.  I wanted to slap them in the face. 

I'm tired of people telling me how to feel.  Telling me what I need get over and what is ok to dwell on.  Telling me how many kids I need to have.  To me, all it sounds like is someone telling me that having a third baby girl isn't special because I've already got two others.  Or that she isn't quite as great because she's not that boy that everyone else wanted so badly.  Would people be saying this to me if I'd never been able to have any children?  Would it matter that she's a girl if she had a hole in her heart or needed a kidney transplant? 

Wednesday, September 7, 2011


I have a love hate relationship with facebook - equal parts love and hate. Of course I'm not going to focus on what it is that I love about facebook.  Although I will say that I do love "reading" the people who are like a slow motion train wreck with their updates and comments, it really is my favorite thing. I dare say I would probably give up facebook all together in the interest spending my time wisely if it weren't for that ONE thing.

What do I hate about facebook?  Where do I start?

I'm SUPER glad for you if your husband earns $3million a year and you have seven houses and the perfect life.  Mine doesn't and I don't.  Isn't there SOMETHING else you can post about once in a while?  I'm sure that even though you have a maid and and a cook and birds chirp when you pee that there is something that isn't picture perfect - post that.  I'm not saying you have to dwell on all things negative (like me) but seriously?!?

If I'm commenting on a friends post and I don't know you...just leave my comment alone unless the post is obviously up for debate. Chances are (in my case anyway) that I'm being sarcastic and we have a little inside joke going on.

Do you seriously have to say goodnight to your husband/wife on facebook?  I am TOTALLY for the occasional "i love you", "my spouse is amazing" or "happy anniversary" shout out but can you not turn your head to the left and just say goodnight?  They're out of, send a text send a message, facebook has chat - use that!

If you have facebook mobile and you hit the "check in" button more than 4 times a day we will cease to be friends.  I don't care to know where you are that much.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

the list...

The other day I put a list of things that bug me on Facebook. There isn't a lot of room to write your true feelings and expound on what you actually mean. Besides that, it got me thinking...there are so many more things that bother me lately that I just need more room to elaborate.

things that bug me recently:

-Matt Lauer

-outdated political bumper stickers (especially if the candidate on it LOST)

-people who say anyways and anywho - it's anyWAY, no "S"

-the words cuddle and moist

-people who say "like" and "you know what I mean" after every 5 words they say

-elevators if I'm not the only one in them

-grocery cashiers that ask if I found everything I needed. If I didn't, the checkout lane when half my groceries are scanned and bagged is a little late, don't you think?

and my newest additions...

-overly gay people. I don't care if you're gay, be gay. But seriously, do you need to be so flamboyant about it? Just be gay. Along the same lines, there are always those guys (usually) who go out of their way to prove that they're overly straight. That bugs me too.

-people who have never been or done something but are suddenly the expert at it. I had a conversation last week with someone who has no kids and has never been pregnant but who all of a sudden knew everything about sleeping while you're pregnant. I was complaining about not being able to lay on my stomach and she chimed in and said "you're SUPPOSED to sleep on your stomach, it's the best thing for you and the baby". Well, obviously that isn't right (which I said) but when she wouldn't back down from her opinion and kept telling me how right she was, my choices were either to argue and look like a jerk or just to let it go and not get to be right.

-people who won't let me be right.

-the use of the "F" word in movies where it absolutely doesn't need to be. I guess I could understand it in a war movie or something (although I contend it doesn't need to be in there either) but do they really need to say that word in a romantic comedy just to be "edgy"?

-the guy at the golf course last weekend who made comments about having to golf by a pregnant girl in flip flops. I might not be the best golfer ever but I consistently out drove you dude so shut it!

-people who are constantly late

-women sports commentators. More specifically, sideline reporters at football games who you can tell are being fed questions for interviews because they have absolutely no clue what they're talking about. Thanks Title 9.

-Orrin Hatch

and finally (for today anyway)...

-leftovers. I feel obligated to take uneaten food home from a restaurant but then it sits there in my fridge for 4 or 5 days. Then, every time I open the fridge I have this all consuming guilt that I haven't eaten my leftovers until finally, I throw them away having never been eaten, let alone opened.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

it's that time again...

So far in each of my pregnancies there has come a time when I am so full of angst that I stop caring about sensitivity and my social filters fly right out the window. I think we're rapidly approaching that time again.

Just a few recent things to get off my chest...

At no point in any woman's life does she want to hear that she's looking huge. I dare say that this fact is ESPECIALLY true when she's pregnant. So to the one person that tells me I'm getting huge every time she sees me, next time you say that to me I'm just going to say "you too".

I'm tired of people getting something for nothing. I don't care what the instance or situation is - you should have to earn what you get. When I was serving as a primary chorister I was told that we couldn't have contests because the kids might be upset that someone was doing better than them or heaven forbid that they lost. Since when is that real life? We were all created equal but that doesn't mean that we are, in fact, equal. I'm never going to win American Idol or the 100 meter in the Olympics and having someone tell me that I can is doing me no favors. So, don't even get me started on preschool and kindergarten graduations. Since when is completing kindergarten an accomplishment? I've never met anyone who has said they dropped out of school in kindergarten. How about we let people be good at what they're good at and not keep telling our kids (or teenagers or adults) that they're just as good or giving them a 1st place medal when in actuality, they're not.

I can't stand typing abbreviations. For example...thx, ur gr8. cu nxt week. luv u! How hard is it to add a few more letters just so you don't look like an idiot? I guess I understand the rationalization in a text message even though I never do it but where it REALLY bugs me is on facebook and in email. Seriously, how lazy are you?

I would like to petition someone about the over use of the papyrus and scriptina fonts. Maybe they were classy and fancy in 1997 but they're NOT anymore. There really is no more to say about the issue other than STOP USING THEM. There are 57,000 other choices out there, use one of those (unless it's the curlz font)!

My lower back always hurts. Constantly. At the end of the day it's worse. I feel like if I complain about it to my husband he feels like all I do is complain. I feel like if I don't complain about it he thinks everything is hunky dorey and I'm just being lazy. What's a large pregnant girl with back issues to do?

I'm having a girl. She's healthy. I'm thrilled. I didn't get pregnant because I wanted a boy, I got pregnant because I wanted a baby. That being said, this is the most dull and unexciting pregnancy ever! I don't know if it's because it's #3 or because I'm too busy to care most of the time but I just want to be enthusiastic about something, anything. She doesn't need any clothes and I can't justify buying any. She doesn't need blankets, I have those coming out my ears. I can't come up with a name, everything is ugly. I'm obviously not going to have a baby shower for girl #3 that doesn't need anything. I guess I'll be excited about the fact that I don't have to worry about circumcision.

Monday, July 11, 2011

i really really REALLY wish i'd written this...

Laws of Sacrament Meeting...

1. If your kid’s toy falls at my feet more than twice, it will stay there.

2. Typos in the program will be circled.

3. If you have to squeeze past me to an available seat, your crotch points AWAY from my face. I realize that the alternative isn’t lovely either, but at least that way we won’t accidentally make eye contact. This applies to movie theaters, as well.

4. Any expectations you have of me shouting “Alooooo-ha!” at you the Fast and Testimony meeting following your Hawaiian vacation will not be met. Additionally, I will not close my eyes if you ask me to, and no, I will not stand up and turn in place on your command.

5. I will roll my eyes at any returned missionaries that pretend like they’ve forgotten how to speak basic English. And for the record – when you’re back in the States, please pronounce your mission so we can all understand. Here in the US, “Chile” is pronounced “Chill-E”, not “Chee-lay”. I met a girl once that told me she served her mission in “oo-roo-guywyayyYYYY” and I asked her to repeat it TWO MORE TIMES before figuring out she was saying “Uruguay”.

6. Sorry, but if you stand up in front of everyone and mispronounce the hymn name, I’ll probably be the most entertained out of the whole congregation. Case in point – my old bishop stood up the week before Christmas to introduce the intermediate hymn, “With Wandering Eye”. And even better, the 2nd Counselor in our ward in Rexburg announced that next, we’d be singing “Upon the Cross of Calgary”. I snickered, then laughed, and then it turned into one of those irreverent laughs where all you can do it hunch over and hope the speaker doesn’t notice you shaking and wiping your eyes.

7. Musical numbers are limited to HYMNS out of the hymnbook ONLY. I realize this eliminates lots of other good music, but this is the only surefire way to prevent me from ever having to endure another wavery-voiced teenage girl tackling “His Hands” during Sacrament meeting.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011


I guess I'm trying to be more sensitive or something but I have SERIOUSLY been biting my tongue on facebook lately. Never one to withhold an opinion, I just have to have an outlet for my rantings and somewhere to get it "off my chest". Therefore, it is with the disclaimer that you may in fact be offended if you continue to read what I write in the rest of this blog...don't say I didn't warn you.

First of all, I don't get the notion of being offended. I would be lying if I said that I've never been offended but I wouldn't be lying to say that I've RARELY been offended. It just doesn't happen that often. In my opinion, to be offended you have to have some real investment in another persons point of view. Maybe I'm insensitive or maybe I just don't put that much stock in what other people say but I just hardly ever take things personally. I guess until recently I just figured everyone was this way, or at the very least that people didn't put very much stock in what I had to say and would just brush something off as my opinion.

Back to the fun (and potentially offensive part).

There are a few people, whom I wouldn't even call friends that I'm "friends" with on facebook. I would LOVE to unfriend them. Every time I read their status updates (and there are a lot of them) I roll my eyes and wonder why I haven't just taken them off my list yet. But they're like a car accident - hard not to look at. I just can't stop reading about the inane things they have to say and rolling my eyes. I completely understand the irony here - that scores of people probably feel the same way about what I have to say on facebook. The difference: I DON'T CARE!

I think Barack Obama is a dolt and people who still like him after all the asinine things he has done fall into that same category. I understand liking him initially I guess, because he is a wonderful orator (with a teleprompter). But short of eloquently reading words off of a piece of glass, he is a complete waste of space. Wait, that's not true, he doesn't waste the space he takes up, he makes it worse. Just once I would love to talk to a rational supporter of Obama and figure out what it is that still makes them like him or what good they feel he has done. If there is one out there - I might even promise to withhold my opinion while I was listening. I would promise to try anyway.

When I say "this is dumb", I'm not intending to insult people who cannot speak. When I say "this is stupid" I'm not intending to insult people with a lower than average IQ, it's just something to say to try and express how I feel about a certain situation. I've recently seen commercials and heard comments about how insulting phrases similar to these are to people. Now I'm not suggesting that we all walk around intentionally insulting one another and I'm also not suggesting we go around calling each other racial slurs. I do however think that people need to grow thicker skin. What am I supposed to say next time I get upset about a situation? Is there nothing I can say that won't insult some race, sexuality, identity, intelligence or otherwise?

Now that I've decided to use my blog as my opinion outlet (it is afterall, my blog and you are more than welcome NOT to read it) I'm sure I'll be back often to share my opinion here rather than facebook!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

why do you work here?

Have you ever noticed that at most stores you go to the employees are ineffectual and unknowledgeable at best? Home Depot, Costco, WalMart and Roberts are the first ones that come to mind but I'm sure if I thought about it for a two seconds more, I could come up with a longer list.

The other day I went to Roberts and I asked one of the workers if they had a certain item. She says "I don't even know what that is". Fair enough. But then she says "I'll try to find it". Which at first doesn't sound like terrible customer service except she proceeds to walk up and down the aisles while I'm following behind her like a hungry puppy. All the while I'm thinking "I could have done this". Why didn't she just say "I don't know" and move on instead of wasting my time by walking me up and down all the wrong aisles?

I don't feel like a complete imbecile in a home improvement store. I'm certainly not a contractor or a handyman but I know what most of the general things are. How come every time I go into Home Depot I can NEVER seem to find anyone that works there? And, on the off chance I finally do find someone it seems that I know more than they do? One time I went to get some sprinkler parts - I admit to being a complete dummy about anything sprinkler related. So after about 30 minutes I finally found someone walking around in an orange apron and asked them my sprinkler related question. They didn't know and had to track down the guy that worked in the sprinkler department. When I got home I had completely the wrong part and had to go all the way back because Preston was up to his elbows in dirt. When I got back and couldn't find someone a second time, I finally just asked some dude who was buying sprinkler parts who looked like he knew what he was doing. Only then did I get what I needed.

If you know me well, you know I hate WalMart. I have nothing good to say about them and avoid shopping there on principal unless I absolutely have to. Little side vent, I hate it when people say they hate WalMart but then shop there like twice a week. If you hate it, DON'T shop there! I digress. I hate WalMart for so many reason, the least of which isn't the people who work there. Talk about ineffectual employees! I swear that on more than one occasion I have asked someone a question only to have them stare at me blankly and continue on with what they were doing - without saying anything. The one time I did get good service I was at the gun counter buying ammunition and the dude knew everything there was to know! I'm not sure whether to be grateful or a little bit scared.

I feel like it's almost blasphemous to say anything bad about Costco because I love it so much. I do not however, love their employees so much! Is it just me or do all the employees seem really self involved and bothered if they have to help you? And it seems like it's everyone: the cashiers, the floor workers and especially the customer service/returns people. Maybe it's just the Lehi Costco or maybe it's just me or maybe I'm just so focused on the idiots driving the carts that I fail to notice any nice employees, but I've yet to find one.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

i'm standing here, you don't mind do you?

I find it interesting the ways people find to impose themselves on other people. There are the obvious and common things like talking too loudly on your cell phone in a restaurant, taking too many groceries through the express line at the grocery store or texting during a movie at the theater. But probably what bugs me more than the little irritating things that happen all the time are the smaller, less frequent things that you can't get away from.

I'm not a frequent wearer of cologne and maybe I'm annoying and stink all the time but I can't decide if it's worse to stink all the time or smell like you bathed in cologne twice before you left the house. It seems like the worst offenders are little old ladies who are out for a night on the town. Maybe it's that their sense of smell has gone south and so they just keep putting it on and putting it on or maybe the older the perfume gets, the more pungent it gets? In a close race for second on the worst offenders list are teenage boys. It's almost like they think they'll be better looking if the whole world can smell them from 6 miles away.

I've never understood wind chimes. Is it that you really need to know when the wind is blowing? Was it the only souvenir you could find to bring back from your trip to Kansas? Do you enjoy torturing your neighbors? I'm not trying to be funny, someone please explain them to me? If you like the sound of the chimes so much, why put them outside for everyone else to "enjoy"? Why not hang them in your house near a ceiling fan or an open window and experience the full range of their resonance for yourself?

The reason I don't have a dog is because I don't want to have to clean up after it. That's the ONLY reason! The second only reason is because I don't want to have to listen to it bark during all hours of the day and night. What is the polite way to say, "shut your dog up or I'll cut out its voice box"?

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

running hands...

Last night I worked out at the gym for the first time since college. Actually, worked out at a rec center for the first time in my life. And oh boy was it an experience! I didn't even notice that I'd been running around the track for an hour because I was so busy "observing" the other people there.

Of course there was the one guy who was working out in his levis.

Then there was the girl who you could tell used to cute and skinny 10 years ago but is no longer that same person - but she is still wearing the same workout clothes she used to wear when she was cute and skinny. I now want to poke out my minds eye, there are some things you just can't unsee.

There was the guy who was dressed from head to toe in skin tight under armor clothes, loaded up the free weights with like 1000 pounds sat down like he was going to bench press the world and spent the ENTIRE hour I was there on his cell phone. Hope you got a good workout holding that cell phone up to your ear, dude.

Then there was the girl who CLEARLY got ready to go workout at the gym. I've never seen more makeup and mascara on a person whose intent appears to be working out. Sorry chicka but I don't think the big dangly earrings and entire can of hairspray are going to help you on the stair climber. And, if you sweat even one drop your face is going to run like a stream. Oh and really, is the only place you can find to bend over and work out right in the middle of the free weights where all the guys happen to be???

I'm also suddenly very aware of what my hands look like when I run.

Monday, November 1, 2010

my birthday hates me...

Recently I turned 30. What did I do for this monumental birthday? I went to the insta-care, got misdiagnosed, wasted $20 on a prescription I didn't need and went to bed early. On the up side, 2 days later I went to the dermatologist, found out I had shingles and then got a sinus infection.

Monday, October 4, 2010

family pictures...

I really wanted to get our pictures taken before Halle started looking any older and Annie started losing teeth. A friend recommended this place called fotofly and they were GREAT! We didn't get a zillion pictures because Halle decided she'd had it about 20 minutes into it. I wish there were some other one we would have gotten or that would have turned out better but all in all, it was great (as great as family pictures can be anyway)!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

a few things I don't understand....

Conditioning shampoo. Seriously, has anyone EVER used a conditioning shampoo that has actually conditioned their hair? I hate it when I've been unfortunate enough to forget my own shampoo and conditioner and have had to use the hotel's 'conditioning shampoo'. It makes me want to rub the 'moisturizing body lotion' all over my hair just so it doesn't end up in a big, crazy bouffant on top of my head. Have you ever tried to comb through your hair after using the conditioning shampoo by itself?

Play Dates. It's not that I don't like them or that I don't like my kids to play, I do. I just don't understand the term 'play date'. Whatever happened to just playing? I remember when I was little I'd run home from school and ask my mom if I could play with this person or that, never once did I say "can I have a play date with so and so". It's weird.

Gymboree. I understand that this is a very popular store and I admit that on occasion, I have made a few purchases from there. But what I don't understand is why anyone who has a kid older than 5 or 6 would want to shop there. Why would a 10 year old want a shirt and a jacket and pants and a hair bow with a little poodle and a lollipop all over them?

Mexican Music. No offense to our neighbors to the South but I think I've finally figured out why so many of them want to come to America - it's to get away from that dreadful music. For one thing, it all sounds EXACTLY the same. I can't picture myself listening to it and thinking "oh I love this song". If I want to listen to something that sounds like people wailing and banging pots and pans together, I have 2 kids willing to accommodate.