Thursday, July 28, 2011

it's that time again...

So far in each of my pregnancies there has come a time when I am so full of angst that I stop caring about sensitivity and my social filters fly right out the window. I think we're rapidly approaching that time again.

Just a few recent things to get off my chest...

At no point in any woman's life does she want to hear that she's looking huge. I dare say that this fact is ESPECIALLY true when she's pregnant. So to the one person that tells me I'm getting huge every time she sees me, next time you say that to me I'm just going to say "you too".

I'm tired of people getting something for nothing. I don't care what the instance or situation is - you should have to earn what you get. When I was serving as a primary chorister I was told that we couldn't have contests because the kids might be upset that someone was doing better than them or heaven forbid that they lost. Since when is that real life? We were all created equal but that doesn't mean that we are, in fact, equal. I'm never going to win American Idol or the 100 meter in the Olympics and having someone tell me that I can is doing me no favors. So, don't even get me started on preschool and kindergarten graduations. Since when is completing kindergarten an accomplishment? I've never met anyone who has said they dropped out of school in kindergarten. How about we let people be good at what they're good at and not keep telling our kids (or teenagers or adults) that they're just as good or giving them a 1st place medal when in actuality, they're not.

I can't stand typing abbreviations. For example...thx, ur gr8. cu nxt week. luv u! How hard is it to add a few more letters just so you don't look like an idiot? I guess I understand the rationalization in a text message even though I never do it but where it REALLY bugs me is on facebook and in email. Seriously, how lazy are you?

I would like to petition someone about the over use of the papyrus and scriptina fonts. Maybe they were classy and fancy in 1997 but they're NOT anymore. There really is no more to say about the issue other than STOP USING THEM. There are 57,000 other choices out there, use one of those (unless it's the curlz font)!

My lower back always hurts. Constantly. At the end of the day it's worse. I feel like if I complain about it to my husband he feels like all I do is complain. I feel like if I don't complain about it he thinks everything is hunky dorey and I'm just being lazy. What's a large pregnant girl with back issues to do?

I'm having a girl. She's healthy. I'm thrilled. I didn't get pregnant because I wanted a boy, I got pregnant because I wanted a baby. That being said, this is the most dull and unexciting pregnancy ever! I don't know if it's because it's #3 or because I'm too busy to care most of the time but I just want to be enthusiastic about something, anything. She doesn't need any clothes and I can't justify buying any. She doesn't need blankets, I have those coming out my ears. I can't come up with a name, everything is ugly. I'm obviously not going to have a baby shower for girl #3 that doesn't need anything. I guess I'll be excited about the fact that I don't have to worry about circumcision.

Monday, July 11, 2011

i really really REALLY wish i'd written this...

Laws of Sacrament Meeting...

1. If your kid’s toy falls at my feet more than twice, it will stay there.

2. Typos in the program will be circled.

3. If you have to squeeze past me to an available seat, your crotch points AWAY from my face. I realize that the alternative isn’t lovely either, but at least that way we won’t accidentally make eye contact. This applies to movie theaters, as well.

4. Any expectations you have of me shouting “Alooooo-ha!” at you the Fast and Testimony meeting following your Hawaiian vacation will not be met. Additionally, I will not close my eyes if you ask me to, and no, I will not stand up and turn in place on your command.

5. I will roll my eyes at any returned missionaries that pretend like they’ve forgotten how to speak basic English. And for the record – when you’re back in the States, please pronounce your mission so we can all understand. Here in the US, “Chile” is pronounced “Chill-E”, not “Chee-lay”. I met a girl once that told me she served her mission in “oo-roo-guywyayyYYYY” and I asked her to repeat it TWO MORE TIMES before figuring out she was saying “Uruguay”.

6. Sorry, but if you stand up in front of everyone and mispronounce the hymn name, I’ll probably be the most entertained out of the whole congregation. Case in point – my old bishop stood up the week before Christmas to introduce the intermediate hymn, “With Wandering Eye”. And even better, the 2nd Counselor in our ward in Rexburg announced that next, we’d be singing “Upon the Cross of Calgary”. I snickered, then laughed, and then it turned into one of those irreverent laughs where all you can do it hunch over and hope the speaker doesn’t notice you shaking and wiping your eyes.

7. Musical numbers are limited to HYMNS out of the hymnbook ONLY. I realize this eliminates lots of other good music, but this is the only surefire way to prevent me from ever having to endure another wavery-voiced teenage girl tackling “His Hands” during Sacrament meeting.